Today was the first time in a long time that I realized I hadn't cried in months. All my emotions came flooding out in an instant and without warning.
I was dropping off my preschooler and I glanced over at the elementary school playground to see all of the kids playing and a wave of hope washed over me.
To see those kids out there playing, no masks, and without a care in the world filled my heart with so much joy and i
was in that moment that I realized... the world is going to be ok.
As I was fighting back tears until I got to my car I began to ponder why now. Why do I now after five months finally feel alright inside? I've been talking myself into it this entire time, but never felt it once.
Day by day I would continue to put one foot in front of the other wondering what roller coaster of emotions would present themselves that day.
When school cancelled in March I went straight into survival mode. Figuring out how to make it through the remainder of the school year, a summer where the world was strange and unnatural, and now back in school.
It was looking out onto the playground and seeing the kids running with smiles on their faces and sunshine dancing on their heads that I felt a true warmth wash over me. It was like a peace that I had been longing for the past several months and suddenly I didn't feel so alone.
The feeling of running circles and my emotions seeming out of control in my head, but me consciously containing them so as they don't escape has been my reality all this time. Never knowing where to start or how to stop.
As I thought about this weekend I realized as I was working hard on chasing a dream I never once thought of the virus, the masks, the isolation, or the evil in this world.
It was me and the kids in our own little world + enjoying each other and beautiful sunshine.
I have been through all the feels on this journey and I can truly say that today I am finally at peace. The world is going to be ok and we are going to be ok. I can finally feel it in my soul.