Oh boy, I don’t know why I hopped on this train, but seriously. I wanted to talk a little bit about Dustin and I’s relationship in the wee years of marriage.
As many of you may know our story, I got pregnant at 19, I thought my life was over… yada yada. Well, that was also a time that I wish I would have pulled my head out a little sooner!
The first several years of our marriage was ROUGH to say the least. I blamed Dustin for the direction our lives had gone, he wanted to be on the mountain every weekend, and we were both still trying to figure out who the heck we were with a baby on the way!
Well, one of my goals since I was a kid was to provide a different upbringing for my kids. Now, my life wasn’t all that bad, but it certainly wasn’t Skittles + rainbows either.
But the one thing that I held onto was the fact that I DID NOT want to get divorced. Now I don’t know if during those early years it was more of a fear of being out on my own or what that kept me there, but we made it!
The kicker was, I held onto a statistic that I learned in high-school! Whaaat?!!? This is seriously the thing that kept me in the marriage for as long as I was at that time…..
Are you ready for this?
Most marriages fail after 7 years, let me repeat…. Most marriages fail after 7 years. This was the ONE thing that kept me there! Like somehow when we hit that seven year mark, our marriage would instantly turn into something magical on that very day!
I remember telling myself in my head all the time. “I’ve just gotta make it to seven years.” Why I held onto that so tightly, I have no idea.
Now I won’t say there wasn’t talk of divorce on a few occasions, but neither one of us was willing to take the leap into that unknown.
Our marriage did improve well before the seven year mark, but gosh, I think it would have happened even quicker had I not been holding so tightly to the seven year idea.
We have both made a lot of changes since then and I will say the BEST change we ever made for our relationship was moving away from where we grew up.
I don’t know what it is about that place, but I always worried about what other’s thought… I mean, this is another thing that I’ve slowly been letting go of as I’ve gotten older, but our move to Cedar City was hands down the best thing we did for ourselves and our marriage.
Our marriage had been on the up when we moved, but again, not fantastic and having to rely on each other, not having the pressure of seeing family all the time, and being able to work through figuring out who we are and where we want to go has been amazing.
I got a life coach, pulled my head out of my rear, and now we are on our way working toward building a life we love.
There have certainly been growing pains through running one business and starting another one together, but we are figuring things out one baby step at a time.
I just want to leave you with marriage advice from one married woman to another and nothing more:
Let go of any ideals you have about marriage. There’s a lot of working through the kinks and figuring life out together.
Don’t hang onto the 7 year mark as tightly as I did. If you aren’t happy, figure it out now! Life is too short to live unhappy!
Find your own happiness outside of the marriage as well. We all need a break from time to time right? The same goes for your marriage. At the first of ours I always told myself, “Oh, I don’t want to leave my baby” and all the things
I immersed myself into being a mama + giving everything to my kids so much so that my sister-in-laws started buying me gift cards for Christmas or my birthday that didn’t have kids clothes so I couldn’t use it for them instead.
You have to be your own person and try to not get lost in taking on a new identity + entirely losing yourself.
Go to a fitness class a few days a week, book a hotel for yourself for the weekend, plan a monthly girl’s night with some friends. Whatever you enjoy, don’t forget that! Self-care is huge to stay sane if you ask me and I certainly learned that the hard way.
Marriage is always figuring life out together + taking it one step at a time! Do your best and never stop working on yourself! You’ve got this!